Saturday, December 31, 2005
Friday, December 30, 2005
PSA...
MEN'S RULES THAT WOMEN NEED TO UNDERSTAND...
Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again!
Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!
Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)
BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it's like camping.
Howard Daughters
Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again!
Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!
Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)
BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it's like camping.
Howard Daughters
Nutzo Boingers!...
here...
Warning!...
Do not drink tea made from mushrooms or native american ritual ingredients and watch this for more than twelve hours at any one time...
trust me...don't do it...
Warning!...
Do not drink tea made from mushrooms or native american ritual ingredients and watch this for more than twelve hours at any one time...
trust me...don't do it...
F*ck Christmas!... This Blog's last 5 Star rating...
of 2005...
Actually I had a great one and hope you did too...ah, fuck it!...
this is simply...
Excellent!
And the best t-shirt idea award goes to:
"We’re not going to hell, assholes, we’re fucking in hell. We live with you."
Actually I had a great one and hope you did too...ah, fuck it!...
this is simply...
Excellent!
And the best t-shirt idea award goes to:
"We’re not going to hell, assholes, we’re fucking in hell. We live with you."
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
PSA!...
"Once completed, the grid will let TXU check meter consumption remotely and pinpoint problems before they become major blackouts."
"Construction on the smart grid system will begin early next year along TXU's 14,000 miles of transmission lines and 100,000 miles of distribution lines."
The deal gives Current access to more than 2 million business and residential customers, mostly in the Dallas-Fort Worth area.
So you don't forget, order before midnight tonight!
Note to Law Enforcement: You need not worry about the owner of this blog engaging in any such activity. Since I developed a very strong and un-natural thirst for BEER at a very early age...
(see picture below)...
"Construction on the smart grid system will begin early next year along TXU's 14,000 miles of transmission lines and 100,000 miles of distribution lines."
The deal gives Current access to more than 2 million business and residential customers, mostly in the Dallas-Fort Worth area.
So you don't forget, order before midnight tonight!
Note to Law Enforcement: You need not worry about the owner of this blog engaging in any such activity. Since I developed a very strong and un-natural thirst for BEER at a very early age...
(see picture below)...
Sunday, December 18, 2005
No matter how many speeches you make...
Mr. President,
On September 11, 2001 you had the resources of the entire world begging to let them help you and your country.
The attacks and follow-up invasion of Afghanistan was something the whole world understood.
The questions began in Iraq.
The questions remain in Iraq.
Afghanistan could have been the new democracy you seek in the region.
Instead it is doomed to return to warlord/druglord rule.
Poppy production has never been higher as a new spirit of co-operation and “dealing” sweeps the country.
Heroin production will reach an all time high this year.
We do not now and never have questioned the “troops”.
We know them, much better than you.
That fact that you tie our questioning of your policies to our patriotism; says little about us and speaks volumes, about you and your administration.
And no matter how many times you try to convince us that some lame-ass like Saddam was a threat to us.
Well, we just don’t think so.
We never have thought so.
We never will think so.
There is something you do not understand.
We are proud Americans!
And we think you are a total asshat!
On September 11, 2001 you had the resources of the entire world begging to let them help you and your country.
The attacks and follow-up invasion of Afghanistan was something the whole world understood.
The questions began in Iraq.
The questions remain in Iraq.
Afghanistan could have been the new democracy you seek in the region.
Instead it is doomed to return to warlord/druglord rule.
Poppy production has never been higher as a new spirit of co-operation and “dealing” sweeps the country.
Heroin production will reach an all time high this year.
We do not now and never have questioned the “troops”.
We know them, much better than you.
That fact that you tie our questioning of your policies to our patriotism; says little about us and speaks volumes, about you and your administration.
And no matter how many times you try to convince us that some lame-ass like Saddam was a threat to us.
Well, we just don’t think so.
We never have thought so.
We never will think so.
There is something you do not understand.
We are proud Americans!
And we think you are a total asshat!
Friday, December 16, 2005
Experiments...part two...
death penalty protest?...
excellent reporting and verbage' as it were by this soul...
about this other soul...or was it...really?...
Yup...
this is worth your time...
this is very well done!...
excellent reporting and verbage' as it were by this soul...
about this other soul...or was it...really?...
Yup...
this is worth your time...
this is very well done!...
Dude!...I'm saying...it's like this sokay?...
All we gotta do is deal with it...
people are not used to people who deal with it dude...
people are used to people who don't deal with stuff at all, ya know?...
Yup, deal with it...that's all we gotta do...
people are not used to people who deal with it dude...
people are used to people who don't deal with stuff at all, ya know?...
Yup, deal with it...that's all we gotta do...
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
This is excellent!...
You live in a place that has no hope of XYZ Box360 or PS3 or anything else for that matter...
Pop quiz hot-shot...what do you do?
What Do You Do?...
R/L...Splinter Cell!...of course!...duh!
(Worth watching in spite of the nasty glitches in the middle)...
Pop quiz hot-shot...what do you do?
What Do You Do?...
R/L...Splinter Cell!...of course!...duh!
(Worth watching in spite of the nasty glitches in the middle)...
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed people
...can change the world...
indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."
...Margaret Mead, anthropologist
indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."
...Margaret Mead, anthropologist
Saturday, December 10, 2005
There are so many things about this story...
that are really amazing...
How dumb do you have to be to hit a bullet with anything?
How dumb do you have to be to have the bullet pointed toward you, while hitting it with anything?
"There's a bunch of vital organs in there."
Yer sure about that now, ain't-cha ossifer Boland?
"It's like lighting a firecracker and throwing it, then going to pick it up when it doesn't go off," Boland said.
Actually, no. It's not like that at all.
Do you know or work for George Bush?
How dumb do you have to be to hit a bullet with anything?
How dumb do you have to be to have the bullet pointed toward you, while hitting it with anything?
"There's a bunch of vital organs in there."
Yer sure about that now, ain't-cha ossifer Boland?
"It's like lighting a firecracker and throwing it, then going to pick it up when it doesn't go off," Boland said.
Actually, no. It's not like that at all.
Do you know or work for George Bush?
Thursday, December 08, 2005
When you're down on yer luck...
and you just can't compromise...get a girl with INFRA-RED EYES...
Lost...
Lost...
Sure it does...who would have any question?...
when most servers are "iffy"...
we are supposed to believe this?...
we are supposed to believe this?...
Saturday, December 03, 2005
Thursday, December 01, 2005
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